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1、Outsideofthekillings,Washingtonhasoneofthelowestcrimeratesinthecountry.MayorMarionBarry,Washington,DC.WhenIwasaboyoffourteen,myfatherwassoignorantIcouldhardlystandtohavetheoldmanaround.ButwhenIgottobetwenty-one,Iwasastonishedbyhowmuchhe'dlearnedinsevenyears.MarkTwainSexisanemotioninmotion.MaeWestI
2、amfreeofallprejudices.Ihateeveryoneequally.W.C.FieldsI'veoftensaid,theonlythingstandingbetweenmeandgreatnessisme.WoodyAllenWhenIcamebacktoDublinIwascourtmarshaledinmyabsenceandsentencedtodeathinmyabsence,soIsaidtheycouldshootmeinmyabsence.BrendanBehanSoftwareEngineeringisthatpartofComputerSciencew
3、hichistoodifficultfortheComputerScientist.F.L.BauerThereisstillnocureforthecommonbirthday.JohnGlenn.Firstlawonholes-whenyou'reinone,stopdigging.DenisHealeyMyluckissobadthatifIboughtacemetery,peoplewouldstopdying.EdFurgolWhichpaintingintheNationalGallerywouldIsaveiftherewasafire?Theonenearestthedoo
4、rofcourse.BernardShawIfitweren'tforelectricitywe'dallbewatchingtelevisionbycandlelight.GeorgeGobal.Everymanhashisfollies-andoftentheyarethemostinterestingthinghehasgot.JoshBillingsIfyoupickupastarvingdogandmakehimprosperous,hewillnotbiteyou.Thisistheprincipaldifferencebetweenadogandaman.MarkTwainW
5、hatwouldmenbewithoutwomen?Scarce,sir,mightyscarce.MarkTwainSomemenarebornmediocre,somemenachievemediocrity,andsomemenhavemediocritythrustuponthem.JosephHellerInCatch-22.Quittersneverwin,winnersneverquit.Butthosewhoneverwinandneverquitareidiots.DavidBrentHemaylooklikeanidiotandtalklikeanidiotbutdon
6、'tletthatfoolyou.Hereallyisanidiot.GrouchoMarxFootballisallverywellagoodgameforroughgirls,butnotfordelicateboys.OscarWildeAllarelunatics,buthewhocananalysehisdelusionsiscalledaphilosopherAmbroseBierce.Idon'tmakejokes.Ijustwatchthegovernmentandreportthefacts.WillRogers.Ididnothavethreethousandpairs
7、ofshoes,Ihadonethousandandsixty.ImeldaMarcosTelevisionhasprovedthatpeoplewilllookatanythingratherthaneachother.AnnLandersThemeekshallinherittheEarthafterwe'redonewithit.Allofuslearntowriteinthesecondgrade.Mostofu
